Old Posts before I even had Posts

I'm bored, and it's Saturday, and I'm not supposed to be alone. John's out with his dad somewhere. I would go outside or something, but I haven't showered yet, and I know I should go running. Maybe I'll save it for a bikeride for later. Bikerides are more fun anyway. Do I have any secrets to tell? I hate my hair with a passion. I murdered my bangs the other day. Now I look like some sort of monk or something, or some South American Tribal person. It's terrible. Why can't I just have long hair? Why do I always have to cut my hair to "make it look better." That's probably why it looks like shit. Because cutting it doesn't help to make it look better, it prevents it from looking better. I just want long hair one time in my life. By the time my hair gets to the length I desire, I'll be 25 or 26. Thinking about myself at that age is just unreal. I thought I'd be fourteen forever. I was reading some of my old diaries the other night. I can't believe how young and boy-crazy I sounded. If someone had called me boy-crazy back then, I would have stabbed them and would have been mad for several days.

Another thing I noticed. My parents were always like, "MELISSA! Listen!" I would swear to the Holy Ghost that I had been listening! I thought I was an excellent listener. The other day I found this tape of myself in 5th grade playing trumpets with my mom. My mom and Dad were talking to me, and I would just be making these silly noises. I found myself thinking, "Why didn't I answer my mom? She just said something to me three times!" I guess I really wasn't that good of a listener. Holy cats! Here's an example of something I wrote way back when.

This is from September 9th, 1995! I would have been 13, 8th grade.

"Today we had a cross country meet. It was in Mellen. I came in 25th out of 40 or 50 girls. My time was 14:16. It was on 1.9 miles. It was really hard. Yearbooks came in and I got mine. S.T.E.V.E! Yes rock! You know, Steve's in there! Karl is, too. But so is Josh! Oh! The picture of him is so the Josh that I had a crush on. His hair is beautiful! I miss him so much! I miss him. But now Steve won't even look at me! You know, I think I just miss last year. I hate one of my teachers! He's a real jerk! I want my old teachers and my old band! This one sucks I'm sorry to say! Do you know what's really annoying! The thoughts I have when I run. They are all so negative. Maybe it's all my saddness sweating out? Oh well. I guess I should sleep now; I have church tomarrow. We finally get to go upstairs."

Hahahahaha! That's so cute. Oh my! The next page is funny, too.

September 11, 1995

"Cross country is neat. That boosts my self esteem. Home and school is different. At home everyone's mad at me. Always negative about what I say! I'm confused! Today in English, my teacher hollared at me. I sort of cried even. I was telling Amy what I was thinking about doing for the commercial and he goes "Miss D., would you like to leave or STAY? Well, when I'm talking you be quiet! Ussually when someone talks I send them down to the office and have them tell him they were being rude. Is that understood?" I nodded. I wanted to run away, out of the room! Then -- I was getting my worksheet out and I couldn't find it! I knew I did it, too. Then, the teacher goes, "Melissa, can you tell me where the sentence ends?" (He knew I didn't have it). I told him I couldn't find it. He said "well, it's time to get organized! Get a folder!" Then he handed me a new one. I wanted to cry so bad! I NEVER got in troubhle like that last year! I wish I were in Denmark! AWAY from EVERYONE!"

Oh the fun times. I miss school, I really do! I'm just so happy to have all of these diaries. :)