No hair, no place

I think I am starting to get sad about my hair cut. The last two days I have felt very un-feminine and ugly. I never knew hair could play such a big part in how pretty one feels. I always seem to get my hair cut around this time of year. I don't know if it's just a coming-out-of-winter thing or what. Maybe it is like a stir-crazy cabin-fever type of thing. Like I want to be freed from the tomb of cold and deadness so badly, and Sring won't come quickly enough, so I make an artificial sort of "Spring" by cutting my hair. I dont get it. Last time I did this I told John: Never let me get this super-short hair cut ever again! He likes it though. I guess when a man likes me with short hair, that must be a possitive sign. He calls it "the wedding haircut." Or something. I like it, but right now it just feels like my head is in shock. The hair is just kind of clinging there, clinging because it's afraid it will soon go, too. Don't leave me. I promise you, you will always grow out again. You are growing at this very moment.

I know it is just PMS as well. I always feel fat and blobby and ugly around that time. It's just that I will never know how long I will feel this way. Sometimes PMS lasts 2 weeks for me. I hate it! The pills are supposed to help. They do, somewhat. I always used to freak out and cry and throw things. In high school, I would try on a dozen different outfits, crying, because I felt I looked ugly and huge and fat in all of them. The morning would often result in me yelling at my dad as I rushed out the door, getting to school at the very last minute. There I would sit, in an outfit probably 10 times worse than the first one, feeling fat the entire day. Last year, it was not much different. I cried and screamed about being late for work. I threw a water bottle in the yard. My dog Abby found it and chewed the cap off before John could rescue it.

Right now I feel as if I'm busting out of all my clothes. I can't wear any of my jeans anymore because they feel so stiff and tight. I know it's all in my head. I just have to keep telling myself that. I almost got up at 6 this morning to eat some breakfast and then go for a 4 mile run. I always cry about how I should start running when I have PMS as well. That's how I know that's all it is. I probably should anyway. It never hurts to excersice.

I also feel like I'm out a diary. I don't have one anymore. Diaryland won't work for me anymore. Each time I update, I have to send a request their server to update me. THEN today I couldn't even add anything. I think I'm done there. I dont want to be because I really like it. Maybe it's better to only have one anyway, keep everything together, ect. It's 10:00, and I haven't started working yet. I better get going...