That's How it Was, Is

I am not in a good mood right now. I thought I would be okay with John going to record, but all in all, I am tired of being by myself. I haven't gone out AT all this weekend. It sucks. I am alone all week, so I look forward to the weekends being spent WITH someone. I was supposed to be in Michigan this weekend, visiting my cousins and family and their babies, but noooo, I couldn't go. It was my choice. We could have left here at 8 at night and gotten to Michigan at 2 or 3 in the morning. That just didn't make sense to me. AHH...there is nothing to do on this STUPID internet. I hate just sitting here not doing anything. I don't want to be in the house anymore. The outside isn't much better because it's melting out there. The lawn is a big muddy mess. Complain, complain, complain. It just doesn't feel like there is anything to look forward to. I'm also sick and tired of picking up dead ladybugs everyday. Granted, I'd rather have them DEAD than flying around all over the windows and lights and stuff, but still, it's annoying to see upside down ladybug carcasses all over the damn house. I wanted to go along with John, but then I'd just be a tag-along. I bet Josh would have thought I was really strange, too. He does anyway, so maybe I should have just gone and sat there and watched. It wouldn't hurt me to go for a walk. Maybe I should just walk to the town where they are recording. One time, John's OTHER band was practicing in a town 15 miles away. I was flipping out at our apartment, so I decided to go for a run. It was already dark outside, so I thought, "maybe I should just keep going and run to their band practice." I ventured out much further than I normally went but then decided "what would I do when I GET there and there are 5 guys practicing and see John's psycho wife come up the stairs?!"

"Um, hi honey? How did you get here?"
"I..." gasping for air, "ran...all....fifteen miles....because....I missed you.....and I didn't....want...to be alone..............any more." Then: drop to the floor.
"Ahh, guys, I think I should probably get going and bring Melissa home..."
AFTER WE LEFT
"God, isn't John's wife a whip?!" exclaimes band guy #1.
"Ya, where did he find her again?" questions band member #3.
"I think some small-ass town in Michigan," says band guy #1.
"I bet she followed him here and threatened kill him if he dumped her," comments someone else.

And the rest of band practice would be spent commenting and making fun of how I ran 15 miles because I couldn't handle a few hours by myself.

Sometimes I really wonder, I really do wonder.