needs

Yesterday I had the opportunity to look at the abstract for our property/house. It was so neat to see, in the 1850s, where the United States of American signed the property over to the very first owner. I found out that a guy named John lived here when the house was first built. I wonder if he built it himself? I also learned that, at one time, three ladies lived here together because they inherited the place. How interesting! I wanted to remember their names so I could try to talk to any ghosts that might remain. Unfortunately, I talked myself out of it. This is a very friendly place. I wouldn't want them to think that I was mocking them or get them mad.

Because of its age, and my mind-set at the time, I used to associate Bright Eyes's Fever/And/Mirrors CD with this house. It just had the whole feel of the house down to a T. I have been wondering what music might fit the new house. It almost has a Weakerthans feeling. I don't know...

I want to go crazy with that house. I had wanted to go crazy with this house, as far as decorating and painting, but we had to wait for other things to get done. If we happened to get a new basement, the plaster walls would probably crack and re-settle, and what would the point of painting them BEFORE that be? I had also wanted to paint the wood floors upstairs. Currently, some are grey, some are tan, some are brown. I thought the dark brown or grey looked the best. The hallway is a peachy color in one part and a light purple/pink in the other. I wanted to make it all the same, like a fantastic bold yellow color. I wanted to paint all of the bedrooms white, to keep them clean and fresh and uniform. Downstairs, I had wanted to remove all of the paneling and paint the study a brick red...the dining room and living room the same color...to make them flow together. I wanted the kitchen to be blue or purple. But, again, all of this had to wait until certain things got taken care of.

Those things never happened, and they were beyond our control.

But the new house! The walls are all white and smooth and ready for creation. I'm excited! I went into Pier 1 the other day and saw area rugs and pillows with fancy ribbons...and silk placemats! I want to go crazy with all of that and make the house fabulous.

I bet the three ladies who lived in this house felt the same way as I do. This house would have only been around 30 years old, so it was pretty much tip-top. They probably went crazy with the wallpaper and linolium and paints and made a fantastic home. They probably oogled over things in the stores, tapping each other and saying, "oh I want this! Wouldn't it look great in our house?!"

It's funny how people from different periods really do have so much in common. I wish I could meet everyone who lived here/owned the property (over 80 acres at one time!) and tell them I appreciate them and their house and that I think about them every time I look around the house. I want to tell them how sorry I am that we didn't stay here...how we LOVE it here and it's nothing against them, and how I wanted to be part of the history longer than this....like will the property to our own children...buy MORE of the surrounding property to restore it to its original amount...that we believe in the beliefs and standards of the past and are against all of this SUBDIVISION CRAP and how we just wanted sheep and stuff to graze as the cows had...how sad we are that the barn is gone and that the previous owner tore down all of the outbuildings. I want to ask them about their memories...if they danced to flapper music or entertained guests in the parlor...what meals they cooked...what their Christmasas were like...if they rode in those really old cars with the skinny wheels. Who planted those ancient cedar trees out front? The big tree behind our house? The one we picnic'd under while working in the house before we actually move inside? I want to see pictures...the old fashioned ones with the entire family staring blankly at the camera outside, in front of the house standing tall and new, with its thin white wooden siding. The children! Running around in their little clothes, carrying fading rag dolls...I want to see it all, even if just for a second before I leave.

When we first moved in, I used to lay in bed, upstairs, stiff with fright. I would close my eyes and see pictures of people I did not recognize. They would just appear in my inner vision, and I wouldn't even have to think about them. They would be just...there. I heard that some spirits communicate in that way. They send messages or pictures to people. Maybe it was trying to get me to see who they were.

I see who you are, but I would like to see more.