feeling bleu

I feel bad about a couple things right now:

The semi-mean post I wrote about Sammie-Pie - lately I haven't been the nicest person to be around. I don't even like being around myself! I know it's from all of the stress, so I go around knocking others to try to make up for how bad I feel about everything else. I didn't think it would stretch so far as being crabby to my pets, so I feel really badly about what I wrote. Sorry, Sammie! I love you!

Secondly, I'm feeling bad about the work I do. Or the lack of it....well....I know that I worked really hard doing my data entry, and, late last week after I started at the coffee shop, I called in to reduce my hours. Today I only got enough work to fill 1 1/2 hours of work! I think about John over at his office working hard and smelling like papers and ink and dusty books, and I just wish I could be out there working more, working the equivelant to what he's working. I know we don't have a lot of money, and I just don't feel that i have the right to be NOT working. I know I'm trying my hardest to get work and get hired and stuff, and John tells me a little is better than nothing, which is true.

Other than that, I got a call from John awhile ago, saying he had to call the mortgage company to get a pay-off quote sent to the lawyer who's doing our closing tomorrow. This is the closest we've ever come to actually closing, so now my heart is starting to beat a little faster with excitement! I can't even fathum what it's going to be like living over there....It will be so much better and ever so different. Just think...(interjection: this will be very ironic because some of the things I am about to list were many the things I had listed BEFORE we bought this house...funny how experience can sure make a person change perspectives...)...no more huge lawns to mow and let get out of control, no more chickens or refridgerators overflowing with eggs, no more stupid crows out of that retarded rooster's ass hole of a mouth, no more living out of town (we'll be able to walk and bike to stores and stuff!), living in a city where John and I have never ever lived before!, no more falling apart houses and abandoned dreams of repair, no more credit card bills(!), ahhh! I'm so excited. The list is hard to put into words, because most of my list is based on emotion...I can't even describe it.

Although, today, I'm left with the question: is a spare TV better in a bedroom, a basement, or a guest room? I'm almost think guest room, just in case guests come over and want to watch tv or something while they try to fall asleep. And we can hook up the Xbox to that spare tv, so if someone's listening to music or playing the piano or something, and the other person wants to play video games, they can just go into the guest room and play, both people undisturbed. Those are my thoughts, anyway. Only kids like to sit in basements and watch tv (to get rid of the adults), and only kids will be living in our house, so we won't have to go downstairs --- we can just watch TV in OUR living room.

And yes, I will always be a kid (even though I haven't felt like it much lately). But I can feel the change, and I just pray that we close tomorrow! The lawyer-place told John that we are all set for tomorrow!