dawning

Oh how I want to eat a snacky-cake, but I had three cookies at work! If there was a way to post little music notes, there would be some around my first sentence. That was written in a sing-songy way.

AHHhhh, I need a weekend to get away...I want to go to Utah. I just want to drive there and say "Hi Utah!" and maybe walk to the Target (sick, I know, but it was a big ordeal for me last year), and by the court house and maybe stay the night and eat breakfast somewhere and then drive home. That's what I feel like doing.

You know, i realized something this morning as I was driving to work, blasting "Left and Leaving" in the car...those days seemed SO hard, like the end of the world, like life was so done-for. And, driving to work, I kind of snorted and said, "I wish it was 2000 again and I was going to college listening to this stuff again."

BLAH? wAAAHHH??? If I was physic or something and had been sitting on my bunk bed in my stupid Soulfly-covered dorm-room walls listening to #4 and #7 on repeat (as I did for hours and days and months on end), crying and hitting myself and crying to John on the telephone "WHY DID YOU LEAVE? I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!" and dragging my parents to there to talk to me and yell at me and swear at them and make my mom leave and go out to the car and my dad to leave in a hurried tone, if I had envisioned myself driving to work wishing for these days gone by, I would have cracked.

Cracked. I so thought I would have had a better ending for that longer-than-long sentence.

Oh well. I would have been speachless and not have believed a word. But it's true? Maybe? I don't know, now that I actually think about it. Those days might have been worse. Maybe what I'm really longing for is that freedom and youth and chance to re-live the last 5 years again.

Time is going by too quickly for me.